Sunday, January 10, 2010

Celebrity Muggings

The Tiger Woods hoopla seems to have died out since I last mentioned it but in retrospect 2009 turned out to be a great year for selling celebrity secrets. John Travolta and David Letterman come to mind. Cindy Crawford. Why do I think Michael Jackson’s death had something to do with one?

I would like to have written Letterman’s monologue where he described his sexual liaisons with staffers. Kurt Vonnegut would’ve done a brilliant job with Bill Clinton’s, no? But that's besides the point. The point? Most of the crap you run into on celeb gossip pages is meant to cut a stream into someone else's business. It’s the deep-pockets theory, folks, as in these people have them. So some ratbastard holds a gun to their heads and attempts to tap the exchequer. Extortion is a constant threat to the rich and famous. Heavy lies the head that wears the crown.

And for every extortion case you hear about, there’s ten you don’t, according to an article I recently read. In the Travolta, Letterman and Crawford cases, the attempts to squeeze money resulted in criminal charges. Of course, I prefer the way Bobby Blake handled the ho who tried to extort him. Allegedly handled. And you can take dat to da bank.


Septimus Orion said...

I'd like to add to this list Roman Polanski. He had to pay millions of dollars just so he could go home; a case of institutionalized, sanctioned extortion. Let's hear it for the Fearless Vampire Killers.

Mark Staff Brandl said...

People are pretty p-o-ed about the Polanski thing her in Switzerland --- they see it as their government collapsing in the face of 'prudish' American imperialism. I know that is simply a typical Swiss self-congratulatory anti-US nationalism, yet the whole thing does reek of set-up and extortion to me.