Young Ellison

Just found this terrific picture of my friend. Forget writing as well as him--I'd have been happy to be this good looking.

SD ComicCon & The Other Glass Teat

Aardwolf's Jim Reeber has warned me for some time to suspend my blogging activities and get back to the task of writing stories; that the blogging nipple would satisfy the writing jones and leave me with all the spiritual nurishment the rest of you seem to get from tee-vee. And he was right. So I've cold turkeyed the little bugger for nearly four weeks now and return only with some snapshots from the left coast. Le de da.

Pictured below: Mrs. Meth's boy Clifford with Peter David, Joe Hill, Steve Niles, David Lloyd, Jerry Robinson, Al Feldstein, and Jim Steranko at San Diego ComicCon. Not pictured: Nelson DeCastro and Billy Tucci who, when last seen, were fishing their room keys out of a beer bottle at Dick's Last Resort.

Other Theologians

Meth, Colan & Other Theologians is almost complete. The new book from Aardwolf Publishing reprises Perverts, Pedophiles & Other Theologians with two new stories, including a horror tale that Gene and I collaborated on and that he's working up a new illustration for. The cover is being painted by Mark Staff Brandl, the Chicago-born, Swiss-repatriated artist whose shows include galleries and museums in Basel, Paris, Moscow, Chicago, Los Angeles and New York. Mark is also a frequent contributor to London’s The Art Book and a Corresponding Editor for New York’s Art in America. Recently, works of his have been acquired by the Museum of Modern Art in New York, Victoria and Albert Museum in London, The Whitney Museum in New York, the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago, the St. Gallen Art Museum, The Thurgau Museum of Fine Art, The E.T.H. Graphic Collection in Zurich, The Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles, and the International Museum of Cartoon Art... And he's painting my cover.

You can read a recent interview with Mark here or see one here.

Meth, Colan & Other Theologians is in the July Previews for books shipping in September. You can reserve the book now with your local retailer or order the signed edition here.

Wizard loves SNAKED

From Wizard Universe: The paperbacks you should be reading:

SNAKED (IDW Publishing): In this cleverly concocted political horror-thriller, Bill Timmons is born with scales and a latent ability for bloody outbursts. But when he makes it to the high-profile political scene, he finds it’s his co-workers who are the real snakes. In fact, his straight-laced principles make him, according to one slithery colleague, “almost inhuman,” setting up an analogy charged with the power of today’s most popular politicians. After being framed, fired and cheated on by his wife, Timmons goes on a bloody rampage that jumps out in stark red against the book’s dramatically dark and grimy palette. Snaked features sharp writing, a fun crude streak and an innovative plot encompassing a volatile backdrop of far-fetched, reality-based political intrigue you have to read to believe. Incredibly entertaining! JULY $17.99

Methage in a bottle

A dozen years ago, Matt Schwartz reviewed Perverts, Pedophiles & Other Theologians for BarnesandNoble.com calling me “one of dark fiction’s best-kept secrets.” Twelve years later, I still get notes from secret admirers:

“I first found one of your books in Chile (of all places) where I was living at the time,” writes Gonzalo Baeza who just bought MethO.D. “I've acquired all of your other books in the last 3-4 years but I was missing this one. I can't believe the ‘big’ publishing houses haven't decided to publish an anthology of your stories. Then again, it's not as if they know what they're doing and you'd probably not have the freedom to say what you say in your stories…”

MethO.D. was my last offering from Aardwolf Publishing. My next anthology, One Small Voice, was published by IDW Publishing—not exactly a “big publishing house,” but certainly not small press. TOR and others have asked for my first novel, but that assumes I’ll write one. For the nonce, short-fiction still wets my whistle.

Fiction in the works:

• Billboards, a novelette illustrated by Dave Gutierrez with an introduction by Robert Silverberg (IDW Publishing)
• Meth, Colan & Other Theologians -- reprints Perverts with two additional stories and new forewords from Marv Wolfman, Mark Evanier, and Gail Simone (Aardwolf Publishing)
• god’s 15 minutes: deluxe edition – new French, Hebrew, and English language editions of my 2003 collection with additional stories and an afterword by Harlan Ellison (Mahrwood Press)
  

Mark Evanier's KIRBY: Best in Breed

Once in an indicolite moon, a comics publication reminds me why I misspent my youth on the porch reading comics while the cool kids on my block were tossing firecrackers at helpless cats. And it just happened again: Mark Evanier's KIRBY (Harry N Abrams Inc.) is 223 pages of the coolest book I've ever seen. The layouts are smart, the writing is inviting, you hold it in your hand and feel the sunshine in your face. I can't say enough about this hidden treasure other than if you have any sense left, you'll buy two copies because someone (probably one of the assholes from my block) may borrow yours and never return it.

More on Nazi "Rights"

I’ve had a bit of mail today regarding my previous post--among it, a note from a savvy, highly intelligent, reasonable man of the Hebrew persuasion I respect very much who writes, “Do you want to live in a country governed by the rule of law, or by the weight of a gun in someone's pocket? When the constitutional rights of a hate group are confirmed and upheld, all of America wins.”

Let's not confuse my own adoration and wholesale gratitude for a country governed by law with the question: How does a Jew, of all people, volunteer to defend a Nazi's 'right' to hurt Jews? It wasn't the government who provided Collin with a public defender in '78; it was the ACLU, which was under no obligation to offer those shitballs aid. And if they were, if I've misread their charter, if the ACLU's raison d'être mandates that every sick fuck no matter what their intentions must be defended by their donations-supported organization whenever so-called civil rights are in question, then the Jew who was offered the pulpit should have STEPPED DOWN, claiming conflict of interest.

But it wasn't a conflict of interest for that lawyer. Which begs the question, "If I am not for myself, than who shall be for me?"

Even in the U.S.--the greatest country in the world, the solar system, the whole universe--even here, a Jew need not feel obligated to put a light bulb in his mouth when someone comes to turn his head into a lampshade.

The Nazis in Skokie: 30 Years Later

When I caught the date on the calendar, an alarm went off in my memory. It was 30 years ago this week that we demonstrated the meaning of Meir Kahane’s slogan "Never Again."

The Nazi-Skokie story opens in late 1977 when Frank Collin, head of the National Socialist Party of America (Nazis) in Chicago, applied to the Skokie Park District for a permit to hold a rally in a Skokie park. The Chicago suburb’s population at that time was 66,000, about half of them Jews; many, survivors of Nazi Germany. The park district required Collin to secure a huge liability insurance policy to cover possible damages. So Collin responded by saying his followers would march, in uniform, in front of the village hall on May 1, but the village's lawyer obtained an injunction to block the demonstration. The village board also enacted three ordinances: Requiring insurance for demonstrations, banning persons from parading in "military-style" uniforms or displaying offensive symbols, and banning distribution of hate literature.

A lengthy series of court battles ensued after Collin obtained Jewish counsel from the Illinois Division of ACLU. Both the injunction and the ordinances were declared unconstitutional. Here’s Federal Judge Bernard M. Decker expressing the principle in striking down the Skokie ordinances: "It is better to allow those who preach racial hatred to expend their venom in rhetoric rather than to be panicked into embarking on the dangerous course of permitting the government to decide what its citizens may say and hear…The ability of American society to tolerate the advocacy of even hateful doctrines…is perhaps the best protection we have against the establishment of any Nazi-type regime in this country."

When Collin’s court victory was announced, thousands of Jews were mobilized by Rabbi Meir Kahane, z"tl. I was among them, a 17-year-old street fighter bussed in from Rockaway, New Jersey. The Nazis might march in Skokie, but we’d be there to meet them. The slogan Never Again has often been misinterpreted as meaning never again will there be a Holocaust. That’s a mistake. The slogan meant never again would we stand idle while Jewish lives were threatened. The slogan meant that our generation—the post Irgun Jew—understood with the greatest simplicity that there are causes worthy of the ultimate sacrifice. Especially when the enemy is making it.

Was Collin victorious? No. There were too many of us. The band of several dozen brown-shirt goons were no match for what we'd brought to Chicago. Hell, they'd have been no match for my friends in Rockaway. Forced to change the site of their march from Skokie to Chicago's Marquette Park, these Nazis were clandestinely transported in U.S. mail trucks then protected by nearly five hundred police—mostly mounted, in full riot gear—who had been imported from multiple Chicago suburbs to protect these thugs. Protect them from thousands of men who had come to twist them into swastikas.

One sad note: If the ACLU had not agreed to represent Collin, he would have lost in court. "Skokie would have prevailed," said David Hamlin, the director of the Illinois ACLU in a later interview. "There's no question about it. The Nazis couldn't afford to hire a lawyer, and even if they could have, I don't think there is a lawyer who would have taken the case."

Palestinian Gunmen Ignore Ceasefire

Reports on Friday "Israelis Attacked by Gunmen" neglected to mention that these were just students on a hike. My friend Moshe Goldsmith, a rabbi in Itamar who knows the boys, just emailed me the details. "A group of boys that learn at our Yeshiva on Itamar were hiking near a community in Shomron called Neveh Tzuf. While enjoying the beautiful hills of Shomron they were ambushed by terrorist gunfire. Three of them were injured, one of them seriously who I happened to have taught for four years and am personally very close to… right now he is undergoing surgery! Please pray for the Refuah Shelema [speedy recover] of Avraham Meir ben Malkah Chaya."

The shooting occurred 12 hours after the official ceasefire in the Gaza.

Gene Colan Update, Marvel Steps Up & Man Struck by Lightning in Rockaway

Not only has Marvel Entertainment awarded Gene Colan a generous retirement bonus, but also plans are underway for an impressive tribute book for early 2009. While the project has not been officially approved, it appears that I will soon be editing THE INVINCIBLE GENE COLAN for Marvel. I'll share more details as they emerge.

On the home front, Gene is feeling better but is certainly not out of the woods. Medical tests are inconclusive and a biopsy is forthcoming while my friend is functioning on only 10% of his liver. Nevertheless, he reported a healthy appetite yesterday and got out to enjoy the weather now that the heatwave has blown by. Gene attributes his "improving health" to the love and devotion fans and peers have shown him these last six weeks. What a guy!

In an unrelated story, a minister from Pequannock, NJ, was reportedly struck by lightning yesterday in my town and lived to tell the story. "The lightning burned a hole in my hat, entered through my head, exited through my left ankle, and blew off my sneaker," the 47-year-old Rev. told reporters. My son Jesse and I heard the report on 1010 WINS this morning. "I don't believe it," said Jesse. "You think the radio's full of crap?" I asked. "No," said Jesse, "but I don't believe that man." Now that I think about it, I'm not sure it's fair dinkum either. Hard to imagine a man my age who can't tie his sneakers well enough to keep them on, rain or shine.

Don't forget to order Meth, Colan & Other Theologians: Click here for details.

You can still get The Gene Colan Treasury signed/numbered by Gene - only a few remain - click here.

Finally, if you're looking for some great Silver Age comics at reasonable prices, click here

Gene Colan: Medical Update

The news has been encouraging in the Colan home with the addition of a new doctor.

Adrienne Colan, Gene's wife, shares her recent letter to Dr. Nancy Bach at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York:

I'm generally so focused on and attending to what is wrong with Gene that it just occured to me I can share one thing positive for sure with you tonight: There is no question since under your care that Gene has made a 1000% return to better stamina than I've seen on him for a very, very long time. Even a year ago, he was falling asleep in the middle of conversations, in the middle of dinner, even if it was at a restaurant. We didn't know what was wrong. This week, it is so evident that he is awake and alert and even back to drawing his beloved comic books (he's currently drawing Captain America). So tonight, Dr. Bach, you are the superhero. I can't thank you enough for your remarkable devotion to trying the best you can to restore quality to Gene's life.

Gene Colan Benefit Auction Continues

My friend, the artist Dave Gutierrez, has stepped in to help with the Gene Colan Benefit Auction. Nearly 40 new items have been posted to Ebay. Please have a look by clicking here.

And don't forget to order Gene's new book: Click here for details.

You can still get The Gene Colan Treasury signed/numbered by Gene - only a few remain - click here.

Finally, if you're looking for some great Silver Age comics at reasonable prices, click here.

Marv Wolfman On Meth

Marv Wolfman--who dreamed up the character Blade and gave us decades of terrific comics scripting--offers some wonderful memories of Gene Colan in his introduction to Meth, Colan & Other Theologians (the reincarnation of Perverts, Pedophiles & Other Theologians that Aardwolf Publishing will be reissuing in September). Marv even has a few nice words about the author:

[Meth's] writing is dark, relentless and always in your face. It doesn’t make for easy reading, but it is highly emotional and makes you pay attention, which is the best thing a writer can do… You might even turn away from some of his twistier concepts, but I don’t think Clifford expects otherwise. He writes from a place others won’t walk [and] forces you into some queasy speculations that make everything you just read even creepier. Clifford’s strength is that he makes your imagination work overtime, again one of the best things a writer can
do.

You can order the signed/numbered limited edition NOW; send $20 plus $3 shipping via PayPal to: sales@aardwolfpublishing.com

Meth in Hebrew, French, and Goth

Mahrwood Press will soon announce an expanded edition of my book god's 15 minutes, which was first published by Aardwolf Publishing in 2003. The new volume will include Harlan Ellison's delightful afterword "Ellison on Meth" as well as several new stories. Mahrwood will simultaneously release Hebrew and (l'havdil) French language editions.

We're also just weeks away from Septumus Orion's debut CD Caged, which was inspired by my story “Queers". The CD's cover art (pictured) is by Dave Cockrum and Christian Krank. Band members include ex-Celtic Frost drummer Reed St. Mark and J.R., former front man for the hardcore horror-metal band Rosemary’s Babies. In addition to the trippy, musical experience around my reading of "Queers," there's a half-dozen other tracks by this extraordinary ensemble.

The Triumphant Return of Bill Messner-Loebs

I only hear from certain people when they’re looking for a place to hide. Speaking of Bill Messner-Loebs, IDW Publishing is getting set to release the complete Journey: The Adventures of Wolverine MacAlistaire by the luminous, erudite, and terminally good-natured writer-cartoonist. Thank me, if you buy it (and you should); I reeled in this big fish like an olde whaler. Call me Ishmael.

Bill writes me this morning with, “I see everyone has a quote on your page except me.” Then he proceeds with what people in Buttfuck, Michigan apparantly regard as high praise:

“In public, Clifford Meth is the ‘anti’ Bill Messner-Loebs. He is opiniated [sic], swaggers, glories in grudges, sneers at his enemies and takes no prisoners. His work is about the dark side of life, as if he were sculpting beautifully realistic statues while working exclusively in blood and excrement. And then setting them on fire. But the real Clifford Meth has saved my life a couple of times, so I am probably biased… and I’m also a huge fan. I read him mouth open and giggling, stunned, amused and aroused. Clifford Meth is my pornography.”

Opiniated? As in full of opin? No—that can’t be right. Messner-Loebs is an educated man. He knows his diphthongs from his dipsticks. It must be a typo, I thought all atremble, before I swaggered on to the next subject.

BEA Wrap-up

Just back from the BookExpo... Had a grand meeting with my producer and his exec, a jolly time with the IDW folks, and bought Harlan a birthday present ("For Chrisakes Clifford, I specifically told you not to buy me anything! I have six of everything!" "I got you an Alexander Dumos bookmark." "Okay. I didn't have that.") Other highlights included running into Cheech Marin and Slash (from Guns 'N Roses), lunch at Jeff's Gourmet Sausage on Pico Blvd. (yes, it's kosher, you silly, silly people), then spending my last hour before heading back to LAX at the Santa Monica pier where an overage hippie accosted me with anti-Israel propaganda. All in a week's work.

And there's an interview with me at Westfield comics.

And the Gene Colan Benefit Auction continues with new items.

Places to go; people to thank

First, if you're trying to reach me via email, note that I'll be in Los Angeles at BEA from May 29 through June 2 and will only read and return vital email during that time. This blog won't be updated until I return Monday night. In fact, I'm taking a personal day today to be with family, so I won't be around much. Emails regarding the Gene Colan Benefit Auction won't be looked at nor responded to until Monday.

Second (should really be first) sincere thanks to my friend, artist Michael Netzer for the gift of this blog's logo. I always wanted a logo I could call my very own.

Third (should be a fifth, but I'll drink one on the plane) thanks to each of you--artists, writers, collectors, friends--for supporting the Gene Colan Benefit. Gene and Adrienne would like to thank each of you personally but can't--however contributors to the auction should expect some form of communication from them in the future.

Last, please support my new projects: The Snaked trade paperback (IDW Publishing) is due out in June (intro by Gene Colan, art by Rufus Dayglo and Dave Cockrum, coloring by Christian Krank). Then there's Meth, Colan & Other Theologians from Aardwolf Publishing (intros by Marv Wolfman, Mark Evanier, Gail Simone, and the late Steve Gerber). And you can still find my recent One Small Voice (also from IDW, cover painting by Neal Adams; art by Gene Colan, Alex Toth and many others) discounted from numerous booksellers on the web. Or if you want it signed or personalized, get it from me (email cliffmeth@aol.com).

Gene Colan Benefit Auction Begins

This auction was a huge success. Our deep thanks for everyone who participated.

Clifford Meth

Gene & Adrienne Colan

A Note from Adrienne Colan...

To Gene's fans and colleagues:

I'm on my fourth attempt to find the words to express my gratitude to you. Our gratitude. Our current challenges are dwarfed by your generousity, love and respect for Gene. It means even more to be coming from men and women of great accomplishment in their own right. You've all enriched our life throughout Gene's six decades in Comics. Thank you all dear friends.

Adrienne for Gene

Gene Colan Benefit Auction: Update

The date for the Gene Colan Benefit Auction has not yet been set but it appears that only relatively expensive items (original art) will be part of the "big" auction at ComicLink.com; other items (e.g., signed comics and books from folks like Garth Ennis and many others) will be part of a blind auction via this blog.

I plan to start posting items, with minimum bids, this weekend. If you see an item that you want, email me the bid and the highest bids will be listed at the end of each day. Winning bids will be posted and winners will be notified.

Bids will not include shipping costs.

Pictured: A sensational, unused cover pencilled by Gene Colan and inked by Neal Adams that Neal has generously donated to the auction (above)... And a piece that Walter Simonson created specifically for this auction (below). Click on them!

My Brother Dave Making America Safe

"Better to be judged by twelve men than carried by six," writes Dave.

Come home soon, brother!

Let's All Help Gene Colan

Note: This post from Sunday, May 11, will continually be updated with new information. Last update was May 22 at5:00 p.m.

You can help right this minute: Order Meth, Colan & Other Theologians -- the full proceeds will go directly and immediately to Gene. For details, click here.

In addition, numerous artists and writers will be contributing drawings and/or signed books to help Gene and Adrienne Colan with their mounting medical costs. Items will be auctioned by ComicLink.com

This list will be updated regularly. So far, it includes (in alpha-order):

Neal Adams, Daniel Best, Doug Braithwaite, Norm Breyfogle, Randy Bowen, Ed Brubaker, Adam-Troy Castro, Ernie Chan, Paty Cockrum, Peter David, Rufus Dayglo, Tom DeFalco, J.M. deMatteis, Tony Dezuniga, Pat DiNizio, Harlan Ellison, Garth Ennis, Mark Evanier, Neil Gaiman, Sam Keith, Joe Kubert, Erik Larsen, Bob Layton, Jae Lee, Jim Lee, Stan Lee, David Lloyd, Tim Mandrake, Leah Moore, Albert Moy, Michael Netzer, Josh Olsen, James A. Owen, Tom Palmer, Greg Pak, Mike Pascale, Richard & Wendy Pini, Jim Salicrup, Bob Shreck, Dave Simons, Gail Simone, Walter and Louise Simonson, Joe Sinnott, J. David Spurlock, Jim Starlin, Roy Thomas, Juan Torres, Andrew Wildman, Marv Wolfman and Ash Wood.

Aardwolf Publishing, Harris Publishing, IDW Publishing, Marvel Comics, NY ComicCon, PaperCutz and Vanguard Productions have also stepped up.

And please keep spreading the word!

Make Mine Marvel

I am delighted beyond delighted to announce that Marvel Entertainment has made clear its intentions to help Gene and Adrienne Colan.

In a warm conversation this morning, executives at Marvel offered Adrienne and I some of the many things that they plan to do for the Colans to provide immediate and long-term relief. I will provide the details soon.

For now, I thank all of you for your encouragement and assistance in this matter. Please continue to support the auction and book sale.

Meth, Colan & Other Theologians

Aardwolf Publishing will be publishing Meth, Colan & Other Theologians, the proceeds of which will go directly and immediately to Gene and Adrienne Colan. The new book will include everything that was in Perverts, Pedophiles & Other Theologians (the short-fiction collection Gene and I did together for Aardwolf in 1997) plus two never-before-published stories (one-co-written with Gene). Foreword by Mark Evanier (as well as the original introduction by the late Steve Gerber). This will be a limited edition (aprox. 100 pages) of only 500 copies, all signed and numbered. You can order it NOW by using PayPal to send $20 plus $3 shipping to: sales@aardwolfpublishing.com

Gene Colan's Love-In

The emails don't stop... the phone calls... but more importantly, the generous contributions of art and other items for the soon-to-be-announced auction to aid Gene Colan.

Just this morning (and it's only 9:30) I received art pledges from Jim Starlin, Michael Netzer, Juan Torres, and Walt Simonson who writes, "I see a Beta Bill Ray vs. Iron Man in my future!" For the full list of contributors, click here.

I'm sure Marvel will join us soon in helping one of the pioneers who built their empire.

Pictured: Iron Man #1 by Gene Colan

Publishers Aid Gene Colan

Aardwolf Publishing, IDW Publishing and Harris Publishing have stepped up to help Gene Colan and his family in his hour of need. So has New York ComicCon and Bowen Designs. Many are wondering out loud what Marvel will do for the man who did so much for Marvel. This from author Tom Spurgeon:

I think what's particularly worth noting is that Marvel has been asked for help. Colan played a key role in creating and developing the two properties that happened to launch both phases of Marvel's major movie-making history: Blade, in his Tomb of Dracula run, and his work on those Iron Man comics. There's no reason on earth why that company shouldn't spare what will probably amount to a single cash payout during a single quarter to a single board member to someone that paved the way for that success. I hope they come through.

Artists, Writers, Celebs... Want to Help Gene Colan?

We're getting lots of email saying, "How can I help?" If you're a writer or artist or TV/film professional, please contact me at cliffmeth@aol.com -- Or just mail a drawing or signed book or whatever it is you're contributing to:

COLAN c/o Clifford Meth
179-9 Rt. 46 West
Box 252
Rockaway, NJ 07866

Items will be auctioned off at ComicLink.com (details, dates, etc. TBA)

Community Galvanizing for Gene Colan

It's a love fest... And Marvel will join us soon, I'm sure... In the mean time, Joe Kubert, Norm Breyfogle and Leah Moore have joined the team of contributors to an auction that will benefit the Colans. And we'll have a Fender signed by the Smithereens (courtesy of Pat DiNizio). And my friends at ComicLink.com will run the event.

Gene Colan: Call For Action

Spoke with Gene this evening. He was exhausted but very optimistic. Good for Gene! But his wife Adrienne has no illusions. She writes, "My darling, sweet, handsome and brilliantly gifted husband's liver is failing. The complications are very nasty. This week it's fluid retention and encephalitis. He's on powerful meds now to diminish the symptoms. He sleeps a lot and has very little energy."

I've contacted a number of writers and artists this evening asking for a few signed items to auction on the Colans' behalf. Stan Lee, Neil Gaiman, Mark Evanier and Peter David immediately pledged their support. Many more will join the list over the next few days. Not sure which outlet will be used to auction these items yet, but we'll get to that soon enough. For now, if you're a pro reading this blog, please contact me and pledge a few signed books or a drawing. If the rest of you would spread the news to your own blogs, that would be enormously helpful, too. Let's get this ball rolling and give Gene and Adrienne a quick boost.

Gene Colan Needs Our Help

I'm saddened to announce that Gene Colan has liver failure. While Gene's wife Adrienne shared this with me some weeks ago, and asked me to keep it private, I received a note from someone else regarding this matter several hours ago, then saw it posted at someone else's blog. So the news is out and it will spread fast... And with that, there's no reason not to announce some efforts to help the Colans immediately as they have zero pharmaceutical coverage and are paying crippling prices for meds.

Two weeks ago, Gene approached Marvel with a plea for help. We've all been waiting to see if that help is forthcoming. In the mean time, I know of no organized efforts to help the Colans so let me start with this: Purchases of any of my books or comics will be earmarked for Gene's benefit. I will also seek help from my peers and inform all of you regarding those efforts and how you can help.

Handsome Dick gets Snaked

After many late nights rethinking, reworking, and rewriting the SNAKED treatment, I'm finally sending the dark little stepchild to Richard Saperstein for further taming. No more second guessing for Mistuh Meth--I have other eggs that need hatching...

While it's the director's call, I've suggested certain songs-sequence tie-ins, including the credit roll, that I believe are ideal; one is the brilliant "In the presence of a new god" by The Dictators. I phoned Handsome Dick Manitoba (pictured with the other 'Tators) to give him a heads up and we ended up talking about Iron Man and Steve Ditko. If you haven't heard this band in a while, my droogs, you owe it to your ears.

The Smithereens on Meth

Looks like I'll be writing the liner notes for the next Smithereens album, which is quite a thrill. I'm a huge fan of liner notes in general and absorbed them, like I did album credits, from my earliest childhood albums, the first being Veejay's "Introducing the Beatles." Coincidentally, the next 'Reens album will have more than a Beatles flavour (I can say that, can't I Pat?) Also, coincidental to this blog, it will feature a cover painting by one of the legendary comic artists. More details to come. In the mean time, here's the latest from Pat DiNizio's gang of four:

NEW YORK, NY--April 14, 2008--KOCH Records is pleased to announce the newest album by rock band The Smithereens. "Live In Concert - Greatest Hits and More" features music from The Smithereens' four-night stint at The Court in New Brunswick, New Jersey, a musical home away from home for the group, which took place January 30th - February 2nd, 2008. The band, all hailing from surrounding Central Jersey towns, played the Court Tavern often at the start of their career.

The album features live recordings of two brand new songs, "Any Other Way" and "Since You Went Away." The set also includes Buddy Holly's classic (and a big influence for The Smithereens) "Well Alright," and the ripping interpretation of the "Batman" theme, a live staple for the band.

For the past 25 years, The Smithereens have toured non-stop, recording and releasing Gold and Platinum albums that spawned Top 40 radio hits such as "A Girl Like You," "Too Much Passion," "Blood And Roses," "Only a Memory" and "Behind The Wall Of Sleep." But at the beginning of that long and successful road, the loved group spent many sweaty, rock filled evenings in the damp, close quartered basement of The Court.

Live at The Court takes us back to that hallowed ground and brings back the energy and edginess that was present at the beginning of The Smithereens' career. The club was packed for every performance, and the love and energy for the Smithereens is evident on each track. This album features the Smithereens in their natural habitat, playing great music for their hometown fans. It shines a light on the love of their fans, and what the group is about.

For more information go to http://www.officialsmithereens.com/

Celebrity Sightings

As Ted Adams mused over lunch, it wouldn’t be Hollywood without at least one celeb sighting. We were sitting in my favorite Beverly Hills restaurant, The Milky Way, which is owned and hosted by Steven Spielberg’s mother, the lovely, petite Leah Adler, who, at 88, could have retired years ago. But Leah likes to meet and greet everyone who comes in the restaurant. “Your son’s worth $2 billion and he still makes you work?” I always tease. Like she’s never heard that before (like every mutton head with delusions of drollness who asks me if I have a sister name Crystal… but I digress). We’d just started our meal when a guy in a baseball cap walked in.

“Does that look like Steven Spielberg?” I asked my one of companions.

“Nah. Looks like someone trying to look like Spielberg.”

I took another gander. “You think every Spielberg look-alike hugs Leah like that?”

I got up and asked Leah for an introduction... and Steven was as nice as can be.

Also ran into Josh Olson while having coffee at CAA. Does that count, Josh?

Somebody loves me

I'm in Los Angeles for the next few days for meetings but awoke this morning to a startling review of my book One Small Voice (IDW Publishing) at Art Blog by Bob.

Meth’s film noir-esque, combative spirit energizes his writing. “Turn the other cheek: The battle cry of the slapped,” he writes. The meek may inherit the earth, but Meth inherits the legacy of writers such as Vonnegut in his clear-eyed take on life, love, and god, if there is one. Meth’s writing seems perfectly suited to the short format used in One Small Voice. Longer exposure would be overwhelming. Meth in small doses acts like homeopathic medicine, poisoning you just enough to make you better and stronger.

There's a lot more to the review which you can read here.

Of course the danger in accepting a reviewer's praise means I must also consider taking the guy who called Snaked "a dead platypus laying in the middle of the road" seriously, too. Right, doctor?

Mr. Meth, I see our time is up.

Meet the Smithereens

As the weather warms, The Smithereens will be playing a number of shows on both coasts. Visit their website--mark your calender... To help buzz the launch of their last CD, Meet the Smithreens, I penned a feature on the band last year for The Aquarian, New Jersey's rock paper. Here's the unedited long-form of that interview with my pal, lead singer/writer Pat DiNizio:

Meth: Tell me about playing with Paul McCartney.

DiNizio: Gary Talent of the E Street band, who was a friend of ours, gave me a call and said he was the music director for the annual Buddy Holly Celebration that McCartney puts together every year. This time it was going to be held in NY City at The Lonestar Roadhouse to herald the debut of The Buddy Holly Story on Broadway. I remember the date vividly—this was Sept. 4 of 1990 and I was getting married on Sept. 1 in Chicago. I asked Gary if there was any chance that Paul would be there and he said most likely; that whenever he does one of these annual Buddy Holly events he’s usually there. I thought, well, if he’s ever going to be there, he’ll be there for this event because he owns the Buddy Holly song catalogue and he’s obviously going to push the musical. So we changed our honeymoon plans—we delayed our honeymoon by a week and eventually we went to Japan. I just had the feeling that Paul was going to be there so I went. And for me, as one of millions of kids who saw the Beatles the first time on The Ed Sullivan Show, and who dreamed of nothing else but being in a band like The Beatles, it was a dream come true. I actually found myself later in the evening on stage with him and the rest of the musicians who played that evening—it was sort of an All-Star band that was thrown together. I played bass and Paul sand “Lucille” by Little Richard, a great, old rocker. It was one of those moments when you wished that someone had snuck in a video camera because there were no cameras allowed for the event and very few people had video cams that were portable back in 1990. About a year later, I went to pick up the mail and I opened the mail up and there was a videocassette with a little note that said, “I thought you might like this.” And it was whole event on video.

Meth: Did the rest of the Smithereens play that night, too?

DiNizio: No, just me. I played because I had written a song on Smithereens 11, an homage to Buddy Holly, a tribute to his early relationship and his widow Maria Elena. The song is called “Maria Elena”. I had sent her a copy and met her and her daughter and we all became friends. She was there, as well, and they asked me specifically to come and sing that song because it was obviously part of an album that was doing very well for us at the time.

Meth: I’m just feeling your place here, Pat.

DiNizio: It’s a good feeling, Clifford. It’s quiet.

Meth: It reminds me of my old Fraternity House. We had a big, old house in Dover, New Jersey.

DiNizio: So you used to go hang out at The Showplace.

Meth: Yeah. My band played there several times. It was a big deal for us because the Ramones had just played there that weekend.

DiNizio: We couldn’t really secure a gig there. It was too far from where we were based and we didn’t have a fan base in that area. But we’d go up there and pay them a fee to do some recording. We’d get up there on a Monday night when nobody was around. We’d hook up a reel-to-reel tape recorder and get a live board mix. It was a very live-sounding room, which I liked about it. We used it to record early demos—we’d do live backing tracks without vocals at The Showplace and we’d come home and transfer that tape in a recording studio and we’d add vocals. It really gave it a dynamic sound because we hadn’t figured out yet how to bridge the gap between the live sound of the band and what would become the studio sound of the band. They are two distinctly different things. Other bands make the mistake of trying to sound exactly like they sound live, but smart bands don’t make that mistake. There was a studio Beatles and there was a live Beatles.

Meth: What do you prefer?

DiNizio: I enjoy the immediacy of a live performance—I enjoy the immediate feedback that you get from an audience; you know whether you are on your game or not, whether people are enjoying it. It’s thrilling to play live and we still put 200% into everything that we do. But the studio is also fulfilling on another level. It’s more difficult to get to the point where you can say I enjoy listening to it because it’s a building stage. You’re starting with your basic tracks and you’re adding guitars and you’re layering and you’re putting your vocals on and you’re mixing. You don’t know really, until the eleventh hour of the project whether what you’ve done has any merit at all. In other words, it’s a longer process. The only real moment of enjoyment is when you’re listening to the final product and you know you’ve done a good job. And hopefully other folks might find enjoyment in the recordings you’ve created. But for me, going in the studio is very difficult. I don’t necessarily enjoy the process. I appreciate it. I’m happy to still have the ability to make records. But it’s not fun.

It was fun in the early days, when we hadn’t yet made records, but it was always pressure. It was thrilling. It’s still thrilling. I still get that tingling, that sense of excitement whenever we go in the studio, but there’s nothing about it I take for granted. It’s extremely challenging and stressful because I really work at it and I want everything to be the best that I can get.

Meth: How involved are you in the production?

DiNizio: I would say that on all The Smithereens albums, although we’re not credited, we certainly co-produced those records. There’s so much input of ours on everything.

Meth: You don’t get on the board?

DiNizio: I sit behind the producer but I don’t operate the board. I think my energy is best spent on thinking of good, creative melodic ideas and arrangement parts, not worrying about the technical aspects of the recordings. I leave that in the hands of the professionals. It’s a blessing when you find yourself in the studio with someone who really does get it, who really understands what the band is all about. That was a process of elimination in the early days. Our first demos were done with individuals who, while well-meaning, didn’t really understand the band, you know? They didn’t really know how to capture the sound of the band in a recording studio.

Meth: Who did you want to sound like, other than The Beatles?

DiNizio: I don’t know that we were really going for a sound. I think it just happened. In fact, the band today stills sounds very much the way we sounded when we first sat down and played together in my dad’s basement right here in Scotch Plains in March of 1980. It hasn’t changed that much except, perhaps, the songs have grown and matured. Some of the first songs I wrote, while charming, are not great compositions. It’s someone learning how to write songs. Yet some of the songs—in fact my first composition, “I Don’t Want to Lose You” wound up on Especially For You and a lot of folks like that song. “Elaine” was song number two and it wound up on “Green Thoughts.” So you never know. It just took a long time to get to that point—to actually sit down and attempt to wrestle with that beast. Understanding how songs work, the mechanics of songs, having to dig deep inside and come up with melodies that are memorable... The hurdle that I had to get over in terms of my live performances—it dawned on my on stage one evening at Kenny’s Castaways, that I was singing original material that contained lyrics that revealed a lot of my inner life and my personal life, to complete strangers.

Meth: Standing naked in front of strangers.

DiNizio: Exactly. And I felt uptight for a little bit but I eventually figured out that this is the job, this is what I do, this is the situation that I’ve put myself in. So I have to deal with it. After I came to terms with it, I started feeling comfortable because I realized that if the song lyrics were well written, then other folks would live through them as well.

Meth: Did you know you had a hit when you wrote certain songs? Songs like “Blood and Roses” for instance?

DiNizio: The only time that I had the feeling I had a hit was when I wrote “Girl Like You,” which was written for Cameron Crowe for his film “Say Anything.” And after a minor argument with the producer James L. Brooks, we decided to take the song back and save it for ourselves. And that being said, obviously I had a feeling at the time that it was a hit or we would have given it to them. We decided to save it for ourselves because it might have been released on a soundtrack album and got lost and then it would have had no meaning later on, on one of our records. But my feeling with that was based in part on the fact that the first album was a hit, the second album had a #1 rock radio single…we were on a roll and it was likely that radio would receive a song like this from us. I had that feeling. I didn’t know if it was a hit but I remember my wife at the time saying, “It’s a good song, but it’s not your best song.”

Meth: What did she think your best song was?

DiNizio: She never spoke of that.

Meth: How about your daughter?

DiNizio: She doesn’t have a favorite but she’s finally gotten a chance to come to some of the live shows, which is a big thrill for me, that she’s old enough now to attend the concerts and actually see what her dad has done for a living for the past 27 years. I remember while writing Smithereens 11 playing a demo of “Blue Period” and my wife Mary saying to me, “Did you really write this song?” Not saying how good it was but inferring that it baffled her that I was able to come up with it.

Meth: “Blue Period” might be my favorite.

DiNizio: Mary was also of the opinion that songs like “Blue Period” should have been hits. They weren’t. They were handled improperly or perhaps they were out of time. They might have hit in 1966 or 67. There were always problems on every level, with management, with distribution.

Meth: It’s been a long time since you’ve had a record contract. How did you end up with Koch?

DiNizio: It’s not really a contract. We’ve licensed this new recording—we own it and we’ve licensed it to Koch. It’s sort of the new model for 2007.

Meth: Let’s talk about this album, “Meet the Smithereens.” Without knowing anything, my guess was the seed for this disc was planted when The Smithereens did “I Want to Tell You” for Songs From The Material World (A Tribute to George Harrison).

DiNizio: No. Not at all. In fact, I was very much against recording that because the arrangement for “I Want to Tell You” was absolutely perfect as it is on Revolver and I couldn’t imagine any way that we could improve it. In fact, in terms of our history, for many years we were asked to do cover songs for movies. We did a version of “Time Won’t Let Me” for “Time Cop,” the Jean-Claude Van Damm film, and it was an okay version. Mr. King, who wrote the song for the original Outsiders, who recorded it in 1966, said that it was the best version of the song that he ever heard. So we got the vote of approval from the guy who wrote it, which meant a lot to us. But there’s not too much you can do with it. So I was very anti doing cover songs unless we could absolutely make them our own. Somehow, we did achieve that with “I Want to Tell You”—it’s a little different.

Meth: I’m not saying this because we’re friends or because I’m sitting in your kitchen drinking your bad coffee—

DiNizio: You don’t like the coffee?

Meth: —but it’s the best track on that album, by far. Most of those tracks weren’t repeatable—not Bill Wyman’s, not John Entwhistle’s.

DiNizio: The track works well because it’s kind of like The Who meets The Beatles meets The Smithereens. And it sounds like us. So I was pleased. I came and I did my vocals and split. But we have a lot of covers—some are good and some are not so good. I remember when they were making this Christian Slater movie when he was a big star in the early ‘90s called “Kuffs”—they wanted The Smithereens to record a version of The Who’s “Shaking All Over” from “Live at Leeds”—but they wanted it to sound like The Talking Heads. And it’s like, “What are you, dreaming? We’re The Smithereens, not The Talking Heads.” So we did a version of it and it’s okay. We did “Wooly Bully” for “Encino Man” and a version of Ringo’s hit “It Don’t Come Easy” and then I didn’t want to do anything that we couldn’t improve on. But that being said, when it came time to record our most recent studio album, which was also for Koch, “God Save the Smithereens” (1999) I felt strongly that based on the theme of the record, which was originally about Apocalypse 2000. There was a tremendous amount of concern and fear and loathing surrounding the millennium, as you recall, Clifford. And I had been listening to a lot of short-wave radio, picking up a lot of weird signs and signals from all over the place, and the album was really for me, initially, about the end of the world. So “Gloomy Sunday” was one of my favorite songs, which Billie Holliday originally recorded. The song was infamous for having inspired people to kill themselves. Whether what was true or not, I don’t know, but they pulled it off the market at a certain point and stopped playing it on the radio because it had this terrible effect—it was just so depressing. We did a version of it that ranks with anything, I believe, that anybody ever did in terms of covering that song. We did it Smithreens-Beatles style; we took the beat from “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” and we really did make it our own. I’m very proud of that particular recording. That’s when I realized that we could take a cover and do something totally different with it and turn it into something that sounded like we wrote it... In the case of “Meet the Smithereens,” which is our song-for-song recreation and interpretation of the first American release by The Beatles on Capital, we follow very closely the structure of the songs while maintaining our own identity as The Smithereens.

Meth: Often when I’ve seen you play, even in your solo performances, you’ve often thrown in a Beatles song.

DiNizio: When we first started playing…we all learned from the masters, from The Beatles, The Byrds, The Beau Brummels. We learned from newer groups like The Jam about live performance. The Stranglers. These were contemporaries of ours at the time, but you take different things for different sources. What we were trying to achieve with Meet the Smithereens was to capture the subtle background sounds of The Beatles and not lose our identity. Come on—let’s play a couple tracks.

© 2007, Clifford Meth

Free Meth

As a promotion to re-invigorate its mailing list, Aardwolf Publishing will be giving away free signed copies of some of its books and comics. Jim Reeber, Aardwolf’s chief bottle washer, says the freebies will include STRANGE KADDISH (signed by Harlan Ellison), THE FUTURIANS #0 (signed by Dave Cockrum), and PERVERTS, PEDOPHILES & OTHER THEOLOGIANS (signed by Gene Colan and myself). “Prizes will be awarded randomly,” said Reeber.

To be eligible, just email aardwolfpublishing@gmail.com with the words GIMME FREE STUFF in the subject line; include your name and mailing address in the body of the email.

About Last Night

Once you've pulled a feather out of the pillow, it's tough to shove it back in. Nevertheless, some of you will notice that my post "A Night at the Opera" has been deleted, along with the comments and pending comments that were associated with the entry. Sorry. There's few things I love more than my freedom to write about whatever I fancy writing about--and, in particular, stories that I think need telling--but one of those things are my friends.

Harlan has asked me to drop this topic. Now I ask each of you to do the same.

My Classical Shotokan Roots

Some yutz has been obsessively writing me to "question" the authenticity of my martial arts training, considering, as he put it, my tendency towards occasionally using it. Frankly, I couldn't be happier for the opportunity to break out the family album.

I received my shodan (1st degree blackbelt) directly from Grand Master Richard Lenchus, founder and O'Sensei of the Legend Shotokan System, a worldwide syndicate of dojos based on traditional Shotokan plus Lenchus' own inimitable style of kata and kumite. A Legend blackbelt takes anywhere from seven to ten years to achieve. Unlike what's found in American Tae Kwon Do and many other U.S. dojos, rank in the Legend system cannot be bought--it must be fought for, on every level. Information on Sensei Lenchus and "The Legend" is available all over the web, including numerous articles that it has been my honor to pen.

My Sensei trained with and received rank from Kawanabe Sensei in Atsugi, Japan in 1958. I have had the good fortune of corresponding with my teacher's teacher, who is regarded as a pioneer in Shotokan.

Kawanabe Sensei received his training and rank directly from the legendary Funakoshi Sensei, the founder of Shotokan and pioneer of modern-day Japanese martial arts. Funakoshi Sensei's legacy rests in a document containing his philosophies of karate training now referred to as the niju kun. These rules are the premise of training for all Shotokan karateka and are published in The Twenty Guiding Principles of Karate wherein Funakoshi lays out 20 rules by which students of karate become better human beings.

I currently hold the rank of Sensei in Legend Shotokan but am no longer actively training nor teaching. I also have a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do as well as training in Ishin Ru and American Combat Karate.

My two oldest sons, Avi (20) and Benjy (18), both trained in Shotokan and Tae Kwon Do as children. Each of them are accomplished wrestlers, too, and actively training in Brazilian Jui-Jitsu schools within the Gracie system (the top of the food chain). Benjy, whose wrestling record was 21 and 2 his senior year, recently took first place in his very first BJJ tourament--an invitational in Haifa, Israel.

Avi Meth

Benjy Meth

Dreams with Sharp Teeth

Tonight we make our pilgrimage to the Seer of Sherman Oaks, the Goan of Painesville, the ineffable Rebbe Reb Harlan.

The Fall of America Chronicles

America will neither end in a bang nor a whimper,
but in a cartoon. Preferably one by Mort Drucker.

The Candidates

Forwarded to me this morning by Pat DiNizio who has joined me in chronicling the Fall of America.

Herb Trimpe on Wolverine's Humble Origins

Herb Trimpe, who brought us the first appearance of Wolverine in the last panel of Incredible Hulk #180, weighs in on my previous post regarding Wolvie's birth:

[The creation] was a kind of a group grope with John [Romita] doing the final model sheet. Len's concept, I believe, or Roy, but I think Len. I, being present in the bullpen at the time, was privy to what was going on. I like to think that they sewed the monster together and I brought it to life. All this of course with Stan's approval.--Herb

Son of Meth

Benjy Meth (middle) takes first place in a Gracie Jui-Jitsu invitational tournament in Haifa, Israel. How proud is papa?

On the Origins of the Wolverine

With a Wolverine movie in the works, this question from my son was inevitable: “Who made up Wolverine?”

“Let's ask,” I said.

I started with a call to my friend Roy Thomas who was Marvel’s EiC when Wolverine first came on the scene in 1974. Roy had once noted that Dave Cockrum had a Wolverine character in his now legendary sketchbook.

“I have no doubt that Dave [Cockrum] and Mike Friedrich were telling the truth about his having a Wolverine character,” said Roy, “though I have no conscious knowledge of seeing it. It can't have had too much of an influence on me, because when I decided we should have a Canadian character and even that it would be named after a fierce Northern animal, I know I was conflicted between ‘Wolverine’ and ‘Badger’--finally decided Badger had the connotation of mere heckling or nagging, while Wolverine virtually had the word wolf in it.

“So I met with Len Wein at lunch and told him to create for the Hulk a hero-villain who would be Canadian, short (because a wolverine is a small animal), and very fierce... and Len remembers my telling him I wanted to see how he'd handle a Canadian accent or some such thing, because I'd admired his Jamaican patois for Brother Voodoo.

“After that, I left it to Len and artist Herb Trimpe--and [John] Romita, who worked with Len on the character design. John doesn't recall being told to make the guy small but did so anyway... but if he hadn't been small, as editor I would have had it changed, and John may simply have forgotten either Len or myself telling him that. I had no particular input on the costume or look that I can recall... nor was it my idea that he have adamantium claws, though I had created adamantium.”

Of course, it was Dave Cockrum who unmasked Logan, and Chris Claremont who developed his winning personality, bub.

I'll let you folks know if Len or Herb have anything interesting to add.

The Company You Keep

Robert Silverberg has turned in the introduction to my novella "Billboards," whose publication as a standalone illustrated book is forthcoming.

I head into Purim with a renewed spirit.

And now…The Dave & Paty Cockrum Scholarship

I was privy to a few moments of sunshine last week when I introduced Paty Cockrum to Joe Kubert.

“Thrilled to meet you, sir,” said Paty in a voice I didn’t recognize as hers. Sir? Hell, this is the toughest old gal I’ve ever known, famous for dragging men out of burning buildings and pointing shotguns at strangers. The occasion was the initiation of The Dave & Paty Cockrum Scholarship Fund, which I’ve been planning for a number of months.

“You were one of the first comic artists that I was truly a fan of,” Paty said to the blushing legend. “You and Bill Everett were the only two who signed your work back then, but you were the only one who knew how draw horses. Everyone else bent their legs the wrong way.”

Joe, who always has an easy smile, had a good laugh. “I had great respect for your husband’s work,” he said. “I watched it very carefully.”

“Well, your Hawkman was formative in his design concepts,” said Paty. “He revered you as an inspiration.”

I’m proud to sit on the committee that will give the newly established scholarship each year to a student at the Joe Kubert School of Cartoon Graphic Art, Inc. The school currently has about 120 students and has graduated more than 3,000 since its founding in 1976, including some of today’s leading artists and many of my pals.

The scholarship will be funded by the sale of Dave Cockrum’s personal comics collection, which you can see here.

Application deadline is April 30. The winner will be announced at HeroesCon in South Carolina in June. For more information, contact Mike Chen at mchen@kubertsworld.com.

Saw off her other leg

They gave her forty-eight million. Granted, to a Brit it only feels like $20 mil with the dollar shrinking up like a dead dick out of Norway, but that kind of money buys serious payback.

If I Should Fall From Grace with G-d

It was worth an occassional elbow and being continually crushed forward by 5,000 drunken Irishmen to stand front and center for the Pogues triumphant return to New York City tonight at the Roseland Ballroom. Shane McGowan, one of the greatest writers of my generation, only fell down once during the entire two-hour performance, and never off the stage. You've gotta love a guy who dropped so much acid one night that he broke all his teeth trying to eat a Beachboys album.

The Bully Incident: Part II

Three months to the day after my son was forced to knock the bejeezus out of a bully at the Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy, I received a phone call from Rabbi Daniel Price.

"Hello, Mr. Meth. I hope everything is well. I’m calling to check up on how Jesse is doing with his psychologist."

"With his what?"

"Psychologist."

"I thought you said that. My son doesn’t see a psychologist."

"I believe that was our agreement."

"And which left field did this just come out of?"

"Excuse me?" said the rabbi.

"Are you telling me," I asked, "that there’s been another incident?"

"No," said Price. "Everything is fine."

"Then why are you calling me?"

"Because our agreement was—"

"Our agreement," I interrupted, "was that my son would see a psychologist once so you could ascertain that he was no danger to your other students; that you weren’t on the verge of a Colunbine incident. And we complied. He went. Once. Your school shrink received a letter from her colleague declaring that my boy was fine, and he was re-admitted. In other words, you covered your ass. Now why are you really calling?"

Rabbi Price explained that, according to his notes, there was an agreement was that my child would attend regular sessions with a psychologist—sessions designed to help the boy deal with anger management and any potential rage issues.

Now watch two adults deal with theirs.

"Is there something wrong with your memory, rabbi?" I asked.

"I don’t believe so, Mr. Meth."

"Then you must have completely tuned out three months ago. My son didn’t have a rage issue; he knocked shit out of the school bully following your personal failure to curtail that misanthrope’s behavior. What my son did was GOOD and RIGHT and PROPER and by every stretch of the imagination NORMAL." I took a breath.

"What your son did," said Price, his voice rising, "was cold and calculated. He beat the boy senseless and without mercy."

"Exactly," I said. "After months of being tormented, and your office doing nothing about it, my son put the little fucker out of everyone’s misery. And he did it precisely because his father told him to do it."

"He should have refused," said Price. "He should have told you that it was foolish—"

"Perhaps that’s how you spoke to your father, rabbi, but in my home, children don’t talk that way to parents."

This was going nowhere. We were about to start insulting each other’s mothers. I could smell the threat of suspension for my son until I complied with this mandatory psychologist edict, so I refreshed Price’s memory once more. Apparently he hadn’t paid attention in October, 2007, when I warned him that if he didn’t solve the bullying problem in his school, then I would. Apparently he hadn’t heard my warning that I was ready to level a negligence suit against his school, and him personally, for ignoring repeated warnings that my son was being tormented by another boy with a thick file of complaints from yet other parents. Apparently our young rabbi doesn’t read this blog!

So I painstakingly refreshed his memory, yet again, concluding with the lawsuit.

"It’s not something I want to do," I said, meaning sue a yeshiva, "but if you leave me no choice..."

"Are you serious?" Price screamed. "You’re going to sue us? Your son beats up another child and you have the audacity to threaten a suit against us? If anything, the other parent should be suing you!"

"They can certainly try," I replied, "but that’s not what we’re talking about. I have a solid case against you for the months of neglect, despite repeated warnings, which forced this situation to a head. And my attorney is only too happy to take this case on a contingency. He smells a payday. And don’t think this won’t hit the papers and internet, rabbi. That’s what Tiggers do best."

I can’t remember who hung up on who first. I suspect it was mutual. No one actually said fuck you but it was in our voices. Two things were clear: Daniel Price was going to chase this up a tree. He was going to borrow trouble just to prove that in his role as “educator” he didn’t have to take shit off nobody.

And I was going to sue his ass.

This morning, I entered the Joseph Kushner Hebrew Academy at 8:20. I signed in at the security desk, then proceeded to the school office and requested that the yeshiva send my son’s transcripts to the local public school. On the advice of my attorney, pending our lawsuit, I was withdrawing my boy from the yeshiva before they had an opportunity to harass him further.

Two hours later, my ex-wife phoned. I was sitting outside the office of the Kalever Rebbe, shilta, waiting for my appointment with the Ohave Yisroel when I got the call.

“They don’t want any trouble,” said my ex.

“They who?”

“Kushner. The school. Mrs. Deitsch just called me. They’re backing down.”

“And they called you?”

“Apparently they’re afraid of you. Please don’t sue them.”

Uncle Harlan loved this story. And I loved bringing him good news for a change. He said it was a monument to personal responsibility. Had his missus call me 20 minutes later just so I could repeat it.

I was going to end it with, and then I went in and got a brocha from the Kalever Rebbe. He told me to be more b’simcha.But I’m going to end like this:

If this school ever forces my hand, I'll sue them—win, lose or draw. And I’ll report on it. And I’ll expect all of you—my friends with blogs and newspaper columns and other media at your disposal—to report on it, too. And to name names.

I’ll owe you one. Or perhaps you’ll be repaying one you owe me.

And I’ll enjoy every moment of it. B’simcha.

Personal responsibility. With fanfare.

That’s what Tiggers do best.